Profile
Name: Kimmi
Age: 16
School: Ohhhh! That's what it's called!
Birthday: February 24th, 1990
Status: No one's wife
-Maybe promises are better left unsaid-
Archives
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
May 2007
My Lovers
CC
Hunter
Kevin
*cymbal noise*
He's Very Pretty Too!
The Friend I Finally Met
El
Diana
Brian
Freddie
Behind the Camera
...Humming...
Once there was a way to get back homeward,
Once there was a way to get back home,
Sleep pretty darling, do not cry,
And I will sing a lullabye,
Golden slumbers fill your eyes,
Smiles awake you when you rise,
Sleep pretty darling do not cry,
And I will sing a lullabye,
Once there was a way to get back homeward,
Once there was a way to get back home,
Sleep pretty darling do not cry,
And I will sing a lullabye.
If you want me,
Tell me now,
If I could be of any help,
Tell me how,
Let me love you,
Like a friend,
Every little thing is gonna go right in the end.
Well I could hold you too tight,
I could never let you go,
But that wouldn't be right...
I can still recall our last summer,
I still see it all,
Walks along the sand,
Laughing in the rain,
Our last summer,
Memories that we made.
We took the chance, like we were dancing our last dance.
Living is easy with eyes closed,
Misunderstanding all you see.
You were all I never wanted anyhow,
...but I sure want you now...
You may say that I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one.
You're asking me will my love grow,
I don't know, I don't know,
You stick around now it may show,
I don't know, I don't know.
I've seen that road before,
It always leads me here,
Leads me to your door.
When evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years,
To make you feel my love.
Bright are the stars that shine,
Dark is the sky,
I know this love of mine,
Will never die.
You looked my way and said,
"You frustrate me",
Like you're thinking of lines and times,
When you and I were you and me,
I took a chance out on the street,
And I missed my chance and chances are you won't be coming back to me.
There were bells on a hill,
But I never heard them ringing,
No I never heard them at all,
Til there was you,
There were birds in the sky,
But I never saw them winging,
No I never saw them at all,
Til there was you,
And there was music,
And wonderful roses,
They had sent for me,
In sweet fragrent meddows of dawn and dew,
There was love all around,
But I never heard it singing,
No I never heard it all,
Til there was you.
The sun is up,
The sky is blue,
It's beautiful,
And so are you.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
I am in love with the show. I just watched it all play back to me. I'm still in total denial that there's one more show tonight and that I'm not performing. Oh well, Mallory will do fine.
Well that's cute. CC took many pictures of me last night, and the vast majority of them are on my Buzznet.
Oh and one more thing. Watching yourself kiss a guy that's not your boyfriend...well it's probably one of the strangest things I have ever watched. My thoughts were, "Wow...WOW...oh my god...WOW...wait...aww it's Kevin :(...wow..."
Even my sister laughed at me.
Well that's cute. CC took many pictures of me last night, and the vast majority of them are on my Buzznet.
Oh and one more thing. Watching yourself kiss a guy that's not your boyfriend...well it's probably one of the strangest things I have ever watched. My thoughts were, "Wow...WOW...oh my god...WOW...wait...aww it's Kevin :(...wow..."
Even my sister laughed at me.
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I could complain so much, and to some degree I will...but I promise to feel good about myself for the vast majority of this post.
I am very proud of myself. I have to admit. I think I did Juliet some justice...I really do. I was happy with Wednesday's performance. I wasn't me; I was Juliet. I didn't believe in myself til opening night. People believed in me and complimented me...sure...but...self-satisfaction is a whole new level. Wednesday I felt good about myself, and the show as a whole. Today...not so much. (A Mr. phrase, I know) I guess I'm just upset because I know how good I can be, and since I didn't get that high... I don't know I'm just disappointed. Oh well, I did it once I can do it again.
My room smells like a flower shop. I love it. Flowers make everyone happy...hey that gives me an idea for someone tomorrow. :)
OH! A big thank you to all who came. You all upped my mood about 200%.
I'm 95% satisfied with today...yesterday...whatever...
I am very proud of myself. I have to admit. I think I did Juliet some justice...I really do. I was happy with Wednesday's performance. I wasn't me; I was Juliet. I didn't believe in myself til opening night. People believed in me and complimented me...sure...but...self-satisfaction is a whole new level. Wednesday I felt good about myself, and the show as a whole. Today...not so much. (A Mr. phrase, I know) I guess I'm just upset because I know how good I can be, and since I didn't get that high... I don't know I'm just disappointed. Oh well, I did it once I can do it again.
My room smells like a flower shop. I love it. Flowers make everyone happy...hey that gives me an idea for someone tomorrow. :)
OH! A big thank you to all who came. You all upped my mood about 200%.
I'm 95% satisfied with today...yesterday...whatever...
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Monday, June 20, 2005
I'm driving myself insane.
2 days.
2 days til opening night, and I feel like it's just begun.
I want to show the passion. I want to show the lust/love the little part of me that is now called Juliet. I want to show that Juliet is in so deep with Romeo. I want this to be good. No, not just good...the best. I want these to be the best shows ever. I want people to genuinely be proud of me. I want to, for once, be completely satisfied with one or both of my performances. I want the Barnes' to come and say 'Damn, she has talent'. Most of all, I want to be real. I want people to know that this isn't mechanical, that whatever I'm putting out there is coming from inside...I want to show the emotion...I want to feel it, not just act it.
Am I wanting too much? No. This is what I'm thriving for, and that's why I'm pushing myself so hard this play. This is mine. I want this to be mine.
Wednesday and Friday I'm going to let everything out; nothing will be held back. Then, I hope, I can finally be proud of myself.
2 days.
2 days til opening night, and I feel like it's just begun.
I want to show the passion. I want to show the lust/love the little part of me that is now called Juliet. I want to show that Juliet is in so deep with Romeo. I want this to be good. No, not just good...the best. I want these to be the best shows ever. I want people to genuinely be proud of me. I want to, for once, be completely satisfied with one or both of my performances. I want the Barnes' to come and say 'Damn, she has talent'. Most of all, I want to be real. I want people to know that this isn't mechanical, that whatever I'm putting out there is coming from inside...I want to show the emotion...I want to feel it, not just act it.
Am I wanting too much? No. This is what I'm thriving for, and that's why I'm pushing myself so hard this play. This is mine. I want this to be mine.
Wednesday and Friday I'm going to let everything out; nothing will be held back. Then, I hope, I can finally be proud of myself.
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Sunday, June 19, 2005
I'm so sweaty...it's gross. Me + hot outside=bad. I did some parading today...and walked my Amber. Of course, today is Father's Day...so I figure I'd share a memory about my father. I know...I'm such a good daughter. *rolls eyes*
As a 2nd and 3rd grader, I didn't have many friends. I had half a head of hair from alopecia areata, glasses, and came from Boulder Hill two years ago. I was good academically, but I sucked it up socially. Anyway, every night before CC and I went to bed we would hop up on the master-bedroom bed. We wanted to play Super Girl...and wouldn't leave until we got our wish. One by one, my fater would take us girls up over his head and 'fly' us to our rooms--dropping us on our respective beds. What got me through a lot of long days of school was that 1 minute ride to my bed every night.
Not one spectacular memory, I know, but to me it's the small, more personal things, that mean the most. I may hate my father a good 90-95% of the time now...but today's Father's Day...and no...you will never hear me speak this nice again...so savor it.
As a 2nd and 3rd grader, I didn't have many friends. I had half a head of hair from alopecia areata, glasses, and came from Boulder Hill two years ago. I was good academically, but I sucked it up socially. Anyway, every night before CC and I went to bed we would hop up on the master-bedroom bed. We wanted to play Super Girl...and wouldn't leave until we got our wish. One by one, my fater would take us girls up over his head and 'fly' us to our rooms--dropping us on our respective beds. What got me through a lot of long days of school was that 1 minute ride to my bed every night.
Not one spectacular memory, I know, but to me it's the small, more personal things, that mean the most. I may hate my father a good 90-95% of the time now...but today's Father's Day...and no...you will never hear me speak this nice again...so savor it.
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Saturday, June 18, 2005
Well...I have a little story to share considering what day today is. I like telling these stories, so if you don't want to read it I'll understand.... :(
***
One year ago, my family (actually my mother) decided that we were going to go see the fireworks. I didn't feel like staying with my family, and although I was dating Colin at the time, I IMed El to ask him if he wanted to join me. I honestly can't remember why I didn't ask Colin...I don't even think that the thought crossed my mind. He told me to stay where I was when I got to the High School and he would come and find me.
Anyway, we left at a quarter til nine, and parked in the South parking lot at the High School (aka- the flagpole side). My father and mother wanted to get dinner, and CC and I couldn't stay in the bed of the truck alone. I was so upset. We walk into the Prairiefest bit of the soccer fields--where all the food is. They get their food, and we walk back to the car. I'm almost running back, because I felt so horrible. We get back to the car, and CC and I sit on the bed of the truck. We wait 10 minutes...El doesn't show up. The fireworks start...he's still not there. As the 2nd firework burst I started to cry. I had no idea why at the time, but I was so upset because he said he would find me, but he didn't.
Tears poured down my cheeks as the fireworks lit up the sky. Suddenly, there was a tap on my arm. Thinking it was my father, I turned angrily, but realizing who it was...my tears of sorrow turned into tears of joy.
He found me.
He took me to the bleachers by the main soccer field, and we sat talking and staring at the now heavenly beams of colored light that filled the darkened night. He told me that he looked everywhere. He saw my car, and when he didn't see me there, he searched on every field for me. Eventually, he came back to my truck, and I was there. I remember one thing he said, and it meant so much to me that night I never forgot it.
"There are many girls with long, blonde hair, but there is only one with that smile."
The rest of that night was a blur. I remember him wrapping his arms around me to keep me warm, and him helping me down off those horrible bleachers. Supposedly it was cold that night, but I had never felt so warm. Subconsciously, I knew then that I was in love with him...but I didn't realize it totally for another week...but that's another story...
***
Maybe that's why a little part of me doesn't want to dye my hair. Maybe I think he'll love me less. *Sigh* To look back, that night was...magical...to say the least. It was the perfect Prince Charming night--at least in my eyes. *Smiles and stares off into space*
If you want to know, we went to see the fireworks again tonight. It made me smile, and the whole ride home I couldn't help but thinking this quote over and over again...
"The best kind of love is not shown
through two people looking eachother in the eyes,
but two people both looking out in the same direction."
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Wednesday, June 15, 2005
So...
-I've officially been kissed by TWO, count them, TWO members of the opposite sex...niether of which are my boyfriend. That hasn't happened in over a year. It was a stage kiss of course, which doesn't really mean much...and besides, I like how my boy kisses me anyway ;)
-I need to learn my lines so much better. At the end of rehersal, I was given a compliment imbedded some criticism. I understood the criticism, and I take full responsibility for not having my lines as good as they should be. Ah, but that compliment--it made my day. So thanks for that.
-I just watched Romeo *my guinea pig* yawn. And no, I didn't change his name after I got the part of Juliet. It's been Romeo for a good year now...so hah.
-I really really REALLY want to perform at Prairie Fest. Oh god I want to so bad...I know Kevin's thoughts about it too. But...maybe...my luck is wearing out, and I won't be able to. I'm gonna do the balconey scene til the cows come home tonight to be prepared for the decision tomorrow. Now if the choice has to be made, I'll let Mallory do it...because I'm nice like that...I think.
-I can't wait for Prairie Fest fireworks. What time are they at?
BIG NOTE: NEXT WEEK IS PERFORMANCE WEEK!!! MY NIGHTS ARE JUNE 22ND AND 24TH...AKA NEXT WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY. COME SEE ME OR DIE...I'VE LEARNED HOW TO STAB PROPERLY AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO GET ANGRY!!!
-I've officially been kissed by TWO, count them, TWO members of the opposite sex...niether of which are my boyfriend. That hasn't happened in over a year. It was a stage kiss of course, which doesn't really mean much...and besides, I like how my boy kisses me anyway ;)
-I need to learn my lines so much better. At the end of rehersal, I was given a compliment imbedded some criticism. I understood the criticism, and I take full responsibility for not having my lines as good as they should be. Ah, but that compliment--it made my day. So thanks for that.
-I just watched Romeo *my guinea pig* yawn. And no, I didn't change his name after I got the part of Juliet. It's been Romeo for a good year now...so hah.
-I really really REALLY want to perform at Prairie Fest. Oh god I want to so bad...I know Kevin's thoughts about it too. But...maybe...my luck is wearing out, and I won't be able to. I'm gonna do the balconey scene til the cows come home tonight to be prepared for the decision tomorrow. Now if the choice has to be made, I'll let Mallory do it...because I'm nice like that...I think.
-I can't wait for Prairie Fest fireworks. What time are they at?
BIG NOTE: NEXT WEEK IS PERFORMANCE WEEK!!! MY NIGHTS ARE JUNE 22ND AND 24TH...AKA NEXT WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY. COME SEE ME OR DIE...I'VE LEARNED HOW TO STAB PROPERLY AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO GET ANGRY!!!
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Sunday, June 12, 2005
I'm not in the mood to talk about today...I hope everyone is okay with that. I actually want to give a little ditty about what happened when I was on the phone with the boy about an hour ago...
So I hear this constant meowing. El hears it too, and he's on the phone. Out of what seems like nowhere, this white cat walks onto the path where I've set down and started to burn my candles. Mind you, I thought cats slept in the middle of the night. Obviously all they do is take cat naps...tee-hee that was a funny joke. So this cat sits around meowing while I'm trying to explain myself to the boy. *Note: I hit a mood and freaked out...things happened...I needed to fix the problems, or at least talk them out* Anyway, it's kinda freaking me out because I've been scratched and bitten by so many stray cats before...and it gets so close to me that I'm afraid to move. All the while I keep talking to the boy, things get fixed and go back to normal. Right after this happens, I kinda stand up to move around, and the cat runs away...back into the night...almost disappearing again.
So I'm a dork and had to figure out what this meant. So I go to this dream interp. site...I know it wasn't a dream, but still...and here's what it said....
--To see a white cat in your dream, denotes that you are going through difficult times.--To dream that you chase the cat away, signifies that you will overcome your obstacles.--
Once again, it wasn't a dream, but the symbolism fits. I found it interesting, and those of you who know exactly what I'm talking about will too.
So I hear this constant meowing. El hears it too, and he's on the phone. Out of what seems like nowhere, this white cat walks onto the path where I've set down and started to burn my candles. Mind you, I thought cats slept in the middle of the night. Obviously all they do is take cat naps...tee-hee that was a funny joke. So this cat sits around meowing while I'm trying to explain myself to the boy. *Note: I hit a mood and freaked out...things happened...I needed to fix the problems, or at least talk them out* Anyway, it's kinda freaking me out because I've been scratched and bitten by so many stray cats before...and it gets so close to me that I'm afraid to move. All the while I keep talking to the boy, things get fixed and go back to normal. Right after this happens, I kinda stand up to move around, and the cat runs away...back into the night...almost disappearing again.
So I'm a dork and had to figure out what this meant. So I go to this dream interp. site...I know it wasn't a dream, but still...and here's what it said....
--To see a white cat in your dream, denotes that you are going through difficult times.--To dream that you chase the cat away, signifies that you will overcome your obstacles.--
Once again, it wasn't a dream, but the symbolism fits. I found it interesting, and those of you who know exactly what I'm talking about will too.
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Tuesday, June 07, 2005
So I was listening to Bob on my sister's working stereo system, and I started to get these flashbacks. I always get flashbacks, but these were about Michael; god only knows why. So I started thinking about how many fights the two of us had been in, and seriously...all I could come up with was two of them.
A year after I moved into this neighborhood Michael and I got into our first huge fight. I had just gotten out of Mrs. Jamison's 1st grade class, and Michael was just out of Mrs. Gerry's kindergarten. We were out playing in the back of his house (there was no pool out there then) when either he or I saw a birdnest. We both ran to it, and he grabbed a long stick to poke it down. Being the nature freak I was, I told him to stop because there may be eggs or something in the nest. He didn't listen, so we faught over the poking stick til he hit the nest really hard. The nest broke in half, and fell to the ground. We both were pissed, and I was crying. I did't talk to him for a whole day after that. I know...stupid, right?
Two summers ago...I think...We got into another huge fight. To make a very long story short. Kenny and Bo went out to eat some pizza at a pizza place. Michael, Nick, and I were all making fun of the two of them, saying that they were on their first date. How cute. Well I made the mistake of telling Michael what '69' meant that day. He made jokes about that to them, and Kenny started to get upset. Turns out she told the parents, and I felt really bad although I only had to do with it indirectly. I say I have nothing to do with it, and Michael gets in huge trouble. He eventually rats me out for teaching him these 'new terms', and the phone is tied that night between my dad and his dad discussing stuff. Turns out he gets grounded for a good month or so, while I escape punishment all together. He and I don't talk for a good week and a half, but eventually I do something nice and everything is forgotten.
I love how things end like that. He and I can give each other crap til we're blue in the face...but we always end up playing some kind of video game at the end of the day.
A year after I moved into this neighborhood Michael and I got into our first huge fight. I had just gotten out of Mrs. Jamison's 1st grade class, and Michael was just out of Mrs. Gerry's kindergarten. We were out playing in the back of his house (there was no pool out there then) when either he or I saw a birdnest. We both ran to it, and he grabbed a long stick to poke it down. Being the nature freak I was, I told him to stop because there may be eggs or something in the nest. He didn't listen, so we faught over the poking stick til he hit the nest really hard. The nest broke in half, and fell to the ground. We both were pissed, and I was crying. I did't talk to him for a whole day after that. I know...stupid, right?
Two summers ago...I think...We got into another huge fight. To make a very long story short. Kenny and Bo went out to eat some pizza at a pizza place. Michael, Nick, and I were all making fun of the two of them, saying that they were on their first date. How cute. Well I made the mistake of telling Michael what '69' meant that day. He made jokes about that to them, and Kenny started to get upset. Turns out she told the parents, and I felt really bad although I only had to do with it indirectly. I say I have nothing to do with it, and Michael gets in huge trouble. He eventually rats me out for teaching him these 'new terms', and the phone is tied that night between my dad and his dad discussing stuff. Turns out he gets grounded for a good month or so, while I escape punishment all together. He and I don't talk for a good week and a half, but eventually I do something nice and everything is forgotten.
I love how things end like that. He and I can give each other crap til we're blue in the face...but we always end up playing some kind of video game at the end of the day.
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Monday, June 06, 2005
My only love sprung from my only hate,
Too early seen unknown, and known too late,
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,
That I must love a loathed enemy.
Limelight's doing well. I've decided that I'm going to try tape recording my lines and reciting them from there. Hopefully it'll work out, and I'll have all of them memorized before too long. If not, it's back to forcing CC to read Romeo over and over and over again.
You know I really want to listen to my Beatles right now, but I gave all my music to Jared...and I'm way too lazy to burn a whole new CD. *Sigh*
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Wednesday, June 01, 2005
The stress has finally gotten to me.
If only I could wait it out two more days. Then I could feel proud. I failed of course. The acting part of me died and all emotions let loose. I wanted to cry, scream, laugh, and stab someone all at once...I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm PMSing, but still. I'm calm about every test but fucking math. Basically, whatever grade I get on that math test decides whether or not I actually stay in the class. That's what's bringing me down the most. That and the ones that over-study, and complain about how they memorized and wrote out all this shit that they didn't need to. Really they're gonna end up disappointing themselves in the end. And because my mind is in overstress mode, I'm not only thinking about classes and school. My mind enjoys pulling my heartstrings and thinking of all the horrible things that could happen with me and my other relationships as well. Maybe it's the past coming to haunt me for a bit...or maybe it's the fact that I know what happened last summer. I wasn't hurt...but it could happen. I'm not being distrustful...I'm just overworked, underpaid, and a woman. Get used to it.
I think I may go talk to Kim.
If only I could wait it out two more days. Then I could feel proud. I failed of course. The acting part of me died and all emotions let loose. I wanted to cry, scream, laugh, and stab someone all at once...I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm PMSing, but still. I'm calm about every test but fucking math. Basically, whatever grade I get on that math test decides whether or not I actually stay in the class. That's what's bringing me down the most. That and the ones that over-study, and complain about how they memorized and wrote out all this shit that they didn't need to. Really they're gonna end up disappointing themselves in the end. And because my mind is in overstress mode, I'm not only thinking about classes and school. My mind enjoys pulling my heartstrings and thinking of all the horrible things that could happen with me and my other relationships as well. Maybe it's the past coming to haunt me for a bit...or maybe it's the fact that I know what happened last summer. I wasn't hurt...but it could happen. I'm not being distrustful...I'm just overworked, underpaid, and a woman. Get used to it.
I think I may go talk to Kim.