Profile
Name: Kimmi
Age: 16
School: Ohhhh! That's what it's called!
Birthday: February 24th, 1990
Status: No one's wife
-Maybe promises are better left unsaid-
Archives
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
May 2007
My Lovers
CC
Hunter
Kevin
*cymbal noise*
He's Very Pretty Too!
The Friend I Finally Met
El
Diana
Brian
Freddie
Behind the Camera
...Humming...
Once there was a way to get back homeward,
Once there was a way to get back home,
Sleep pretty darling, do not cry,
And I will sing a lullabye,
Golden slumbers fill your eyes,
Smiles awake you when you rise,
Sleep pretty darling do not cry,
And I will sing a lullabye,
Once there was a way to get back homeward,
Once there was a way to get back home,
Sleep pretty darling do not cry,
And I will sing a lullabye.
If you want me,
Tell me now,
If I could be of any help,
Tell me how,
Let me love you,
Like a friend,
Every little thing is gonna go right in the end.
Well I could hold you too tight,
I could never let you go,
But that wouldn't be right...
I can still recall our last summer,
I still see it all,
Walks along the sand,
Laughing in the rain,
Our last summer,
Memories that we made.
We took the chance, like we were dancing our last dance.
Living is easy with eyes closed,
Misunderstanding all you see.
You were all I never wanted anyhow,
...but I sure want you now...
You may say that I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one.
You're asking me will my love grow,
I don't know, I don't know,
You stick around now it may show,
I don't know, I don't know.
I've seen that road before,
It always leads me here,
Leads me to your door.
When evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years,
To make you feel my love.
Bright are the stars that shine,
Dark is the sky,
I know this love of mine,
Will never die.
You looked my way and said,
"You frustrate me",
Like you're thinking of lines and times,
When you and I were you and me,
I took a chance out on the street,
And I missed my chance and chances are you won't be coming back to me.
There were bells on a hill,
But I never heard them ringing,
No I never heard them at all,
Til there was you,
There were birds in the sky,
But I never saw them winging,
No I never saw them at all,
Til there was you,
And there was music,
And wonderful roses,
They had sent for me,
In sweet fragrent meddows of dawn and dew,
There was love all around,
But I never heard it singing,
No I never heard it all,
Til there was you.
The sun is up,
The sky is blue,
It's beautiful,
And so are you.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
I definitely saw my first cat fight. It scared the CRAP out of me, but I love the kitty that wanted to sleep on my lap. We ate at Micky D's, only because there was nothing good and cheap. Yes, we're cheap girls...but I'm saving for a pretty dress.
I spent the rest of the day with Kevin. We ran errands, walked the dog, ate, talked, and watched a movie. I swear, that boy must be sick of me by now. *Laughs* I'll let him go have his fun for a day or two. Yah...I'm happy...I'm really happy...
I feel slightly sad, and kinda empty. I realized that there will be NO ONE on my buddy list, which means that NO ONE will be at home. Well, that's not totally true...I have Kevin, Mel, Andre, Kim, and Lindsey. *Laughs* Okay maybe I have enough people to tide me over. I said goodbye to everyone I needed to say goodbye to.
Today I'm playing with doggies and kitties again with Mel. That'll be fun. I have to go by the Target area and grab some stuff...and then we'll see about the afternoon. *Smiles* I guess I'm not all that empty. I'm still really happy...but scared all at the same time...
Oh well.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
I played with homeless kitties and a homeless puppy. I swear if anyone wants him let me know, he's the sweetest dog in the world. I tried to teach him how to sit. It...kinda worked out. I ate at Taco Bell and went home. Oh yah. I definatly didn't drive myself. Mel and I went together. It was nice talking to her again...I'm gonna go tomorrow. I'm excited.
I hung out with El in the early afternoon. We ran into Brian at Target. His nieces are adorable. El eventually dropped me off at the library, and I hung out there til Kevin got done with his haircut (thank god), and met me there. We talked, and I felt important. Blah blah blah hung out at home blah blah blah dinner etc. etc. etc. The point is...I had fun. I'm really having fun again, and that's good.
I'm so happy. I'm happy and everyone yet no one knows why. *Smiles*
Saturday, March 25, 2006
I just came back from the dentist. Sadistic people...I hate it there. My mouth hurts, and my sister is babysitting Will across the street. He is the cutest baby boy with the prettiest blue eyes in the world. She is loaded with cash...maybe I could con my mother into going to the mall for a little bit before my job...hmm...
Kevin and I hung out yesterday evening. I had a lot of fun. And yes, I am going to his spring formal with him. I decided a needed a fun night to look forward to, PLUS I already have a dress to wear...if I can't find anything simple yet good anywhere else...hmm...It'll be fun. I'm excited.
I guess that's all I got today. I get to watch a child tonight and play Dance Dance Revolution...it should be interesting.
I think I'm waiting for Monday, but I haven't exactly decided yet...
This is the happiest I've been in a long time.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
You know I loved you
It's all over now...
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
In english we finished up our soliloquy based off of Hamlet...I think it's time to share Kim and my original version...
Soliloquy of a Distressed Shopper
By: Kim and Kim
To buy, and walk proudly in these shoes indeed
Or not to buy, that is the question:
Whether ‘tis wiser for a girl to splurge
And face the foreboding agony
Or to weep over the loss of a great purchase. To buy, to wear—
And by wearing, one experiences admiration and envy
From girls...and some gay guys. To buy, to wear—
But with wearing comes the fateful aches and pains
Of the prolonged proper posture
Ah, there’s the price tag.
For only if there were more men in the world
To put their wallets to great use
For my poor salary does not even account for one of these lovely shoes.
For who would bear the insubstantial feeling of seeming incomparable to others?
While being surrounded by feel that are lovely and soft,
Flat and boring will never attract ones longing desire
Which, would be the consequence of walking away from this rare pair.
Thus dilemma doth make gold-diggers of us all
And thus the reluctant resolution
Is eased with the mere sight of cashmere.
And since our choices lead to better things
We pause upon the boutique of decision.
Yah...so we fixed it up a bit to make it less...whatever it was. The rest of school was boring. Afterwards was...everything and nothing at the same time. Don't even bother trying to ask. It hurts too much...
Monday, March 20, 2006
I'm so confused now; I don't even know if I can talk about it. As of yesterday I thought I had everything in order...and as of not even a day later I realize that I don't. I hate feeling mixed up and lost and confused...especially when everything made sense 5 minutes before.
Push me. Pull me. Love me. Hate me. Neglect me. Cherish me. Lose me. Win me. Too much...I hate having a blank canvas sometimes...
And now it's time to say what I forgot to say...
Sunday, March 19, 2006
It started off disappointing, but I should be used to that. I always pick myself up though. You have to be proud of me for that. Kevin and I went to Targetland and ate at Chili's. Question: Why did they seat two people at a 4 person table? I was confused.
I didn't buy anything. It was a sad store experience. I decided I want a fish. Not right now...some other day. I'll pick one name, and once one dies the name will be passed down to the next fish. They don't care; they have a three second memory anyway. Afterwards I met Kevin's doggy...she's cute :)
I'm sad the afternoon is over and I have to go back to school. I'm a tad disappointed for other reasons too.
The black will be white and the white will be black, but the blues are still blue...
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Think about it. It's been around since the beginning of time. If I don't like something, I can always find something new. I always do the choosing. If I don't like the new stuff, I go back to the old stuff. If I let go of one CD, I can put it on a shelf and return to it later. It won't reject me; it always likes being listened to. I can even have a few one night stands. Evening concerts can consume my life, while there's always that one song on my Ipod that I'm still dying to listen to. Music seems like a good choice...
Anyway...last night I went to the Jazz Fest at OHS with Pepita (Lindsey) and Kevin. The music was awesome, and I had a lot of fun. Pepita and I had a hugging contest, and we played a few games of 'let's see who can annoy Kevin faster'. I think I totally won that one. I got home around 10, and read for almost an hour before passing out on my bed. Doty called to vent to me a little after 11...but after that I was out again.
I'm kinda angry though. This is my weekend, right? So why is it that I wake up at 8 and can't get back to sleep? It drives me insane. Well...I'm off. I'm hoping that I'll get some hours in before next weekend, and later on today or tomorrow I'm going out to a movie. I have to wait for a call on that part though.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
I don't get anything.
I feel like I'm supposed to know exactly how to handle everything that comes my way. I feel like I'm supposed to know how to talk, think, act...and not have the option of people taking it the wrong way. I'm trying to be a really big girl. A really, really big girl...yet I feel so stupid. I feel like I'm not being treated right. I feel like no matter what right I try to do, someone always twists it into another one of my 'selfish acts'. I don't have alterior motives...it's too complicating to do anything like that.
I think everyone thinks that I'm a mind reader. I know I'm not. I think people think that I'm unbreakable, and they can be as mean as they want to me...and I'll be indifferent. I'm not that either. I'm fragile. I'm slowly picking up the pieces of this last month and I keep dropping them. I'm accused of things that I never had any intent to do...I don't believe I did them.
I'm a friendly person. Eveyone who knows me knows that. I don't hang all over people, nor do I try to be clingy. I feel hated. I feel like I did something insanely wrong...something that was all my fault that I didn't even know I did. I'm so hurt right now, not because of the initial loss...but because of the ripple-effect. All I want is a friend. I don't expect anything more than that. I feel like I've been treated badly...when I'm trying so hard to not do anything wrong...
I really want to throw in the towel. I want to say 'okay God, you win'. I'm not seeing any silver lining here. I'm so messed up, confused, and I don't know how I feel half the time. I would kill to be a little kid again. I knew nothing then, and I know too much now.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
I'm listening to 'Dear Prudence' because Kevin told me that I had to.
I'm...lost...but that's okay.
I went downtown with Kevin. It was a great spontaneous activity that was so worth it. My gold star of the day goes out to that child. He deserves so much.
My silver star goes to the lady who works at Elmer Fudge downtown. She let the both of us in out of the cold AND fed us candy. She made my day.
I don't feel like talking anymore...sorry that I wasn't more interesting.
Friday, March 10, 2006
...
Okay. Now that it's over. I've been in a good mood for the past few days. God only knows why. My mom graduated from nursing school, and already has a job that she'll start on the 10th of April. Yay...i think. It'll be a blessing or a curse...so I guess we'll see about that. It means a little extra to those of you who know what I'm talking about. Things will be okay...that's what they always say.
I'm going to go out and do something...I can't sit here like a bum. I suck at it and it makes me depressed. I'll talk more later...I hope...
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
A lot of things have been going on in the past week or two, so don't bitch at me for not updating. If you haven't found out and you think you're good enough to find out, try your luck...but I'm not talking about it here.
Here's my question of the day: Why is everything so complicated?
As a child, life was so simplistic. I mean...I remember days during the summer where I'd play outside with Michael from sunrise to sunset. Even in Jr. High I just had petty problems...most of them having to do with boys...but you know...it happens. I guess now that I'm of the age where I see things in a larger spectrum, I notice that not everything is black and white. It's hard to leave something behind, whether it be a person, place, or object. Even the nicest of people can be rutheless, and anyone can ruin someone's day. Men and women alike lie, steal, cheat, love, hate, live, and die. It's just...harder than it was before...like math. (Slight miff-age towards Brian for not telling my that high school math is hard)
I know life isn't supposed to be easy, but I don't think it's supposed to be difficult all the time. Lately I've just been in a rut of anger and depression. Part of it I couldn't help, and part of it was self-induced. Now I'm starting to see the light, but I feel like I'm the only one who's seeing it. I want someone to see it with, who's willing to take a leap of faith despite what all others think. I want someone who isn't afraid to get his or her feelings hurt while doing something he or she wants to do...or just feels like doing. I need to be spontaneous, but don't need to be alone.